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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29852217">the FIRST meltdown fic</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeikoBubs/pseuds/KeikoBubs'>KeikoBubs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Meltdown - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, This Is STUPID, Yes this is canon no zach you cannot change this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:40:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,128</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29852217</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeikoBubs/pseuds/KeikoBubs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>…...|’ . ¸.~/ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .’<br/>…...~”….|’ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .’<br/>………...|’ . . . . . . . . ._ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|<br/>………...| . . . . . . .,~”;;;;;;;;;¯”~-.,¸ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|<br/>………...| . . . . . . /;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;”~„¸ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . /’<br/>………..|’ . . . . . . |;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;’-, . . . . . . . . . .¸¸¸ . . . /’<br/>………..”~--.„ . . . ‘;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\ . . . . . ¸-~”¯;;;;;;;;;;;;;¯””~’¸<br/>………………’\ . . .’-„;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,/„„¸/’;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|<br/>……………….¸ . . .”~„¸;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;/”””~-„;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|<br/>………….¸~”¯:::::”-„ . . . . ¯~-„„„„„„„.-“ . . . . . ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;¸-“<br/>……….¸-‘:::::::::::::::”| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .”~„;;;;;;;¸„-~”<br/>……¸-“::::::::::::::::::::/ . . –„ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ¯”¸~”<br/>..¸.-‘::::::::::::::::::::¸.-“ . . . . .”~~.„„¸¸_ . ___¸¸„…-~”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Rhiere Tarxom/Kekker Kringe, Ziakte Azliax/Lallum Vrotuk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the FIRST meltdown fic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beef_Stew/gifts">Beef_Stew</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Did you really think I would write fanfiction about Lallum fucking Vrotuk and Ziakte Azliax? Did you dare- you had the audacity to think something so presumptuous? What was that gay boy? I couldn't hear your crying over the sound of my maniacal laughter. </p>
<p>It is laughter that sounds familiar. Almost too familiar. Maybe you recognized it from voice calls? A beautiful voice, really... </p>
<p>Is- </p>
<p>Is that Pespio Zankak?? </p>
<p>THE Pespio Zankak??</p>
<p>Holy fucking shit. You cannot believe it. This is the best day of your entire life, to finally be able to have the pleasure of meeting the one and only Pespio. Good, I say, and cackle some more. It is because I stole any semblance of your gross shitty hope, like in the funny East-Alternian hit visual novel slash detective murder mystery video game, Troll Danganronpa. What a great series. You should totally play it.</p>
<p>That was beside the point. I was busy owning you with my epic roasts.</p>
<p>You fool. You utter buffoon. I got you. I pulled a fast one on ya. Get fucked. Lallum x Ziakte will NEVER be real no matter how much you plead and beg for the best ship in Meltdown to be canonized. A million, no, a billion deaths would not be enough to make it canon. I cannot believe you fell for it. Ziakte is a gay homophobic vampire archaeologist with a secret love for My Little Pony. Dirk kinnie much??? Fuck Ziakte, that fuckin' glowy green bean lamppost lookin' ass. </p>
<p>Not Lallum, though, because I sank that ship with my bare hands. I ripped the entire water-bound vehicle apart with pure strength and grit because I am just that fucking cool. Hussiebot can say Ziaklum is canon, but his brain is a mildew-ridden sponge. He is in the hospital because of how diseased and deteriorated his thinkpan has become for uttering such idiotic drivel. The bot has been diagnosed with every mental illness in reality, and even some outside reality. I almost pity his sad existence. </p>
<p>You know who doesn't pity who??? </p>
<p>That's right. </p>
<p>Lallum doesn't pity Ziakte. He doesn't hate him, either. He doesn't feel anything for anyone, actually, because he is a robot boy!!!! Who gives a shit about robots?? Surely not me, who is very much the one and only Pespio Zankak and not a snotty thirteen-year-old who is typing this fanfiction instead of working on his science project, which is due next week...Not that I'd know about this project, which this little boy is heavily procrastinating on when all he needs to do is make some graphs and a flow chart or whatever, because I am an Alternian troll living on LoHaT and do not know who J is. J? Where did that name come from?? I have no fucking clue.</p>
<p>"This is getting a little unbased," I said from my spinny chair, "I'll bring Pespio over for real, now."</p>
<p>The fan-hated jester boy stumbled onto the scene, blinking from the sudden white backdrop. Where did he come from? Who cared! He was there now.</p>
<p>"Who the fuck are you?" the bronzeblood yelled from the white void that was the AO3-Work-Text-page-turned-Grammarly-tab. The strange voice in his head laughed. It was a very nice laugh. He considered the fact he may be going insane; it was a fact that was quickly thrown out the window, as Pespio knew very well he was already insane.</p>
<p>"Who am I? I'm having the time of my life," I didn’t bother introducing myself, since that'd mess everything up, "After I post this to the server under the brilliant guise of it being a Lallum and Ziakte pitch slashfic, Zach will read the entire text, cherish it forever, and then he will give me a million dollars."</p>
<p>I stared straight into your soul, unblinking. Give me your credit card information, Zach. This is a threat (It is not actually a threat.)</p>
<p>"Where the hell am I? Where's LoHaT?" Pespio asked. This was all very unsettling for him. </p>
<p>"LoHaT is in the next chapter, and you’re with me, now!" I thought for a moment, remembering something I said to Juni, "And Puknit is here, too! Say hi, Puknit."</p>
<p>The rustblood, who Pespio could have sworn wasn't there just a second ago, didn’t look in his direction. Instead, the troll tossed a die onto the white floor. He frowned at the outcome, sighed, and said, "Hi, Puknit."</p>
<p>Pespio laughed. "What?"</p>
<p>"See? This is why he's the best character. Man, I love Puknit. Even more than Lallum."</p>
<p>My compliment went unnoticed as he rerolled. "Umm I don't know what's going on or who you are or where I am, but I think I'm scared out of my mind!" He turned to the bronze and whispered, "Are you hearing the voice, too?"</p>
<p>The clown in question cackled. "I always hear voices!"</p>
<p>"Oh, ummm, alright then." Puknit took a seat on the ground, wrapped his arms around his knees, and tried to understand what the fuck was going on. This was extremely difficult because of his classpect, and also because he was denser than tungsten.</p>
<p>“Just stay here and look pretty, guys,” I gave the two a thumbs up, “A couple of others should be arriving soon, and I wanna be ready on time! Oh, this is so exciting…”</p>
<p>I disappeared along with my chair, leaving the lowbloods in the void. For a while, they said nothing and simply tried to process their situation. Once they realized the situation was beyond processing, the two accepted their bizarre fate.</p>
<p>“So... you like anime?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s pretty cool. Ever killed someone?”</p>
<p>“Um.”</p>
<p>Saved from having to respond, Puknit spotted something in the corner of his psychic vision. A hand, then an arm, and finally a beautiful seadweller stepped into the trolls’ presence. She had kelp strung through her hair, a flowy violet dress, and a very colorful shawl. When she noticed him, she gave a little wave. Puknit bowed, to which Pespio responded by smacking him upside the head.</p>
<p>“Ow.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be a tightass, dude.”</p>
<p>“Who are you people? Where’s Lallum?” the girl asked. She briefly looked around, though upon seeing the vast, empty void, gave up on finding anything of interest.</p>
<p>Using his brain for once, the rustblood decided not to roll for introductions. “I’m Puknit Onreet, and this is…”</p>
<p>“Pespio Zankak,” the jester offered.</p>
<p>“And we have no idea where Lallum is!”</p>
<p>“Oh cod. Well, I’m Tontir Kradis! It's a pleasure to meet you two." The troll seemed to put emphasis on every other word, which made it difficult to parse which of them were important. "Is this part of the game? I wasn't expecting my planet to be so..."</p>
<p>"Fucking boring?"</p>
<p>"I wouldn't have phrased it like that," she tilted her head, "But yeah. I'm not even sure this is a planet- There's no horizon!"</p>
<p>Puknit nodded. "Um, going back to that thing you said about Lallum... I'm really sorry, but I don't remember you at all!"</p>
<p>"Well, that's because we've never met, silly! I don't remember seeing either of you buoys before," Tontir recalled, "You two must've skipped out on assemblies!"</p>
<p>"The reason you didn't see me was 'cus I was hiding," said Pespio.</p>
<p>"...Hiding?"</p>
<p>"Uh-huh." The jester didn't elaborate further, which the other two were perfectly ok with.</p>
<p>The trio eventually arrived at the decision to wander off, against my very polite request to stay in that spot. This took quite a while, so I won't bother recounting it. Why don't we check in with someone else now?</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Every day, like clockwork, Lallum did his check-ups with the other players. He visited Friudo at her clinic, helped Vazlah with her fighting techniques, and conspired with Nadvea and her (not-so) secret project. However bored he appeared when talking to them, he meant well. Ziakte knew he cared deeply for each and every one of his teammates. Some more than others.</p>
<p>"He's a well oiled machine, that's for sure," Ziakte noted one evening while hanging out with Neiftu Rhiris, a close friend and occasional backstabber, "Although I think he avoids our team on purpose."</p>
<p>Neiftu rolled his eyes. "No he doesn't. He checked in with you and me half an hour ago. I was this close to going off on him again, annoying seadwelling fucker. Hope he loses his other limbs, too."</p>
<p>"Jeez," he winced, "alright, pop off, I guess." </p>
<p>"Yeah, I will. Just because you're pitch for him or whatever doesn't mean I can't rag on prince Vrofuck myself. He's nothing but another classist, uptight, hoity-toity, highblooded gill-breather, and every second we spend talking about him is time wasted." The oliveblood huffed and went back to perusing a thick geology book, occasionally scribbling notes or adding a bookmark to any rocks of interest.</p>
<p>"C'mon, Neiftu, he's a lot more than that," said the taller troll and, against his better judgment, added,  "I think you're just bitter that your moirallegiance with Friudo fell apart." </p>
<p>Neiftu gave him a disgusted glare. "Our relationship has nothing to do with this! How can you accuse me of being classist when I'm a fucking lowblood? If anything, I think your midblood privilege is getting in the way of your logic." </p>
<p>The book was placed gingerly on the table- a telltale sign it wasn't to be opened for a while. The two trolls had a rocky relationship at times, but they always bounced back to normal. That's how all friendships were, right? It was completely normal to have explosions and cold shoulders on a bi-weekly basis.</p>
<p>"I never accused you of anything, and I'm being perfectly logical. I was just saying that Lallum isn't as bad as you've made him out to be." </p>
<p>Mysterious, intelligent, and sporting a dreadfully apathetic disposition, the heir to the Vrotuk Empire was quite a discussed topic. Especially on a certain Reddit forum that one Ziakte Azliax frequented. Not BECAUSE it was a subreddit on Lallum Vrotuk or anything. He just liked to...stop by, y'know? Check in and see what was new. The point was, Lallum was way more than any son of a fascist fish dictator, and Ziakte felt the need to prove it.</p>
<p>After thinking a moment longer, the jade got up from his couch to stretch. "I think I'll check on him, for a change."</p>
<p>"What the fuck," Neiftu asked like an Among Us gamer accusing sussy red 1000 IQ quick strats no meetings one round, "Why?"</p>
<p>"I dunno, I feel like it? Fuck you." Toting Friend on his shoulder, the Knight of Doom left his hive. He didn't hear Neiftu hiss after him.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The Land of Hives and Trolls was an amalgamation of very different environments ranging all across the hemospectrum. The odd patchwork of properties seemed to defy all orders. Cinkla had to shovel snow outside his igloo daily, while Vazlah's hive stayed hot to the touch. Matwen's broken pipes seemed to run endlessly without puddling, Neekse's castle moat had clean, filtered water, and the seadwellers had blocks of the ocean that just sort of... floated around their hives. </p>
<p>Whenever he thought about the weird weather for more than a moment, Ziakte's memory would cloud over, and he'd need a second to recollect himself. So he tried not to. </p>
<p>He thought of each of his acquaintances as he passed their hives. Taphek's had scorch marks lining the sides of his property, Undigo's was a modest gray, so on and so forth. Strangely enough, five of the buildings didn't bring up any memories. That wasn't right; he knew most of the players before the game started, and anyone he didn't, he saw during the assemblies Lallum held. The fuchsia could wait for a second longer- this was something worthy of investigation. </p>
<p>One hive had multi-colored blood splatters in the windows, while another seemed to let toxic chemicals waft into the air, and yet another was decked out with a set of train tracks next to it. Vibrant sheets and kelp flowed in another's that Ziakte presumed belonged to a seadweller, and the last one was so plain he almost forgot about it, despite its striking red hue.</p>
<p>No matter how hard he tried, no trolls came to mind when looking at these properties. Peculiar. He considered telling Lallum about it, but... Nah. Fishboy can figure it out on his own.</p>
<p>That's exactly what must've happened, as the jadeblood passed an inconspicuous bush. Because of course, it was the weather! What other possibility was there?</p>
<p>Ziakte's pace slowed. His brain fogged up, his eyelids fluttered shut, and...</p>
<p>There was a heavy thud, followed by the silence of about a dozen trolls forgetting the existence of one aspiring paleontologist and his bush lizard friend.</p>
<p>In the depths of his surprisingly modest hive, Lallum stirred.  Something was very, very wrong.</p>
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